So this blog post is basically a tribute to my good buddy NP, and her amazing English presentation. Before you pass judgement let me tell you, she knows I'm writing about this, and she knows that in no obvious way am I making fun of her - this is just something that I want to remember, and something that breaks us both down into hysterics whenever we do remember this. This one is for you NP.
It was a day like any other, my friend NP and I were in grade 11, which meant that while we were not the top dogs, we certainly were not the pond scum/bottom feeders that grade 9's are. It was after lunch and we were traipsing through the halls making our way to our next class, which was, you guessed it, English. Normally we are quite hyper during lunch and prattle on about nothing in particular, but today was different. I was the same - as I normally am - so I was talking incessantly, however NP was not.
NP looked like she was being devoured by the fluttering, vicious, gut-busting, butterflies in her stomach. Now, keep in mind, I have no idea if she actually had any butterflies in her stomach but it certainly looked like she did. Basically, she looked like she was going to ralph - and I told her, that if she was going to hurl, to aim away from me (I know - I'm really sympathetic/caring).
Why was she so nervous? Because, as you've probably already guessed, she had an English presentation. For most normal people, normal being the key word there - which is something that NP and I are definitely not (trust me on this) - a presentation isn't such a big deal. However, for NP it was kind of a big deal. Not only had she not understood half of what the book said, she also stayed up the entire night working on her visual and hadn't prepared (not even an ounce of preparedness anywhere for her) at all for the actual presentation. Since she had to talk about books where she had no idea what was going on, for a good 15 minutes, I could see why she was so nervous.
So we got to class and listened to a few boring presentations. I was as cool as a cucumber (perhaps even cooler since I epitomize coolness and cucumbers do not) because I didn't have to present that day. However, NP was pretty much sweating bullets throughout all the presentations.
Finally, much to NP's dismay, the teacher (we'll call her Berg) told her to, "get up and present her goddamn presentation" (Now, of course she didn't actually say that, but I would bet money that's what she was really thinking). NP, whose face was super red at that time (OH! I should probably mention to you that NP's face gets really really really red when she's embarassed, all the time - It's quite funny, you know, if you're not NP), hissed at me to get up and hold her visual for her.
I really didn't want to. In fact, I shot a glance at her saying, please, don't make me. But by that point it was pointless, NP's and Bergs stares were relentless. I slowly made my way out of my seat cursing everything that could think of.
It's not like I'm a bad friend, and I was too lazy to do that. It's just, well, I tend to think of funny random things during presentations like that, things that often don't have anything to do with the presentation, but are still funny nevertheless, and I often end up snickering to myself - which is fine because no one notices. However, if I started snickering to myself in front of the class, everyone would notice, and I would become super embarassed, along with NP.
Anyway, as I made my way up to the front I told myself to pay attention to the presentation, and don't laugh at anything - which is a really impossible task for me. I always, without fail, laugh inappropriate situations.
For example, there was this one time in Grade 6 where I got in trouble because me and a friend accidentally started a foodfight - although, I should point out that 2 guys actually started it by chucking pudding cartons at us, we merely retaliated by throwing orange peels at them, and it's not really our fault that the teacher walked in on us throwing the food - and the teacher made us sit in his classroom while everyone else got to watch Pirates of the Carribean on the big screen in the gym (it was also the day before Christmas break). So we're just sitting there and then all of a sudden I start thinking of the most random things and I just burst out laughing. The teacher of course thought I was patronizing him so he made me sit there even longer and he got quite annoyed with me so I ended up getting into even more trouble.
Wow, kind of got off topic there, but that's why you love this blog (:P), you get the most random accounts of me that you never even knew.
So I got up to the front of the room and held the poster up really high and hiding my face in the process (just in case I got a little giggly). For the first 6 minutes all was well, and I was all serious and totally not laughing, in fact I was really bored to tears. But then something happened. Something that made me burst out laughing in front of the class, and actually made the entire class laugh as well (well minus Berg, I don't think that she was all that impressed).
What happened was NP was running out of things to say - there's only so much you can say about books you hated and didn't understand - and she was faltering. Then it happened, she said, "the strengths of these two books are.." and she slowly trailed off. There was a long pause, and I started to get really giggly, but somehow, magically, managed to hold it in. Her face started to get some colour in it, and then some more, and more, and before I knew it her face was so red it was tomato-ketchup-firetruck red. She still hadn't said anything. "Um, um, um" is all that came out of her mouth. By this time it was damn near impossible not to laugh, but it seems like I was defying nature - I still had yet to make a sound, even though my insides felt like they were going to explode. The next thing she said was all in a rush, making it hard to understand: "there weren't any." She then bolted to her seat to sit down, like it was some safe place. I swear, I don't think that I've ever seen her move as fast as she did then. (After your presentation you weren't supposed to sit down - you had to continue to stand up there so Berg could interrogate you.)
I lost it. I burst out laughing. At first I was the only one, the rest of the class seemed to still be processing what had happened, and then everyone started laughing.
Berg's jaw dropped to the floor. After a few seconds she managed to compose herself and mutter oh dear, but her reaction was priceless.
In retrospect, that probably doesn't seem all that funny to you, but it was kind of a you had to be there moment.
But damn, it was the funniest presentation ever. Kudos NP.
Peace out crocodiles!
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