Ok, my curiosity got the better of me and I absolutely had to, that's right, HAD to, look the word up. The first response I got was the ninth letter of the Greek alphabet, which both worried and confused me, since that definition would have made it crystal clear that I really do have no idea what I'm talking about. And then my ruse would have been up, as y'all would have seen right through it. And then you, my readers, having been lied to, would have strayed away. And then my life would lose all meaning, since I literally live for this blog right here. And then the universe itself would have disintegrated into nothing, because I'm that important. Basically, it would have been a catastrophe. But then, as my English teachers taught me to, I kept reading on - I'm a good little student. The second definition was 'an extremely small amount'. I was elated as I stumbled across this; you see, I do know what I'm talking about :D. Sometimes ... Ok, let's just pretend I know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, to sum it up, I once had a Dell laptop that was probably the most sadistic creation on the planet. It literally lived to make my life a living hell, and often succeed in its ambitious endeavours. You could name anything that goes wrong with computers, and my Dell most likely did this. Freeze? Check. Corrupt my files randomly? Check. Shutdown suddenly? Check. Hard drive crashes? Check. Lag like there was no tomorrow? Check. Smell like pungent smoke? Check. This machine literally drove me crazy, bananas, up the wall, bonkers and the like. During my last few days of high school I lost not one, but two brilliant essays, I swear they could have won the Nobel prize for literature, and I'm not exaggerating ... much - the night before they were due. One of which was due on the day I wrote my exam. I ended up having to rewrite my essay and having NO time to study for the exam whatsoever - thanks laptop, I appreciate that. A lot.
You mother f-ing SOB you. @#)$)@#$@#)*
Yeah, but no, the thing hated me for some reason, and after awhile the feeling was mutual. After the last straw, aka the incident that I described above, I began fantasizing about dropping this machine out the window. Just slamming it down on the ground, and then, and even better, start attacking it with a sledge hammer would allow me to have my catharsis that I so desperately needed. But alas, I could not as I didn't have a replacement laptop. And in my book having the shittiest laptop on the planet is better than having no laptop at all, you know?
But then, in an unplanned, yet swift move, I exacted my revenge in such a sweet motion, I look back upon it in awe: I got a job. And then using then using the moolah that I earned from said job, I bought myself a machine that would appreciate me, and love me, the way my Dell had never learned how to do.
At last, I have a legitimate opportunity to have a real catharsis. Yes, this mother f-ing sucka is actually going to get dropped out of the window - expect the video real soon. The only thing that is stopping me is that I have to get some pictures and files off of it before I do that, as I wouldn't want to lose years worth of important life works right? And you know me, I was just too lazy to do this right after I got my mac.
But not anymore! As of this afternoon, that sucker is prepped for the experience of his short, but seemingly long - very very very long - life. In a few short days I shall be heralded as the killer of laptops, a title which I have aptly been anticipating. Now all I need to do is prepare myself mentally and charge the video camera and we are all set.
Note to self: charge the video camera and learn your own cellphone number, something which you still have yet to do, even though you've had the number for eons.
Hark, a segue! (I just randomly felt like saying hark, don't judge me. It's fun to say, you try it. Go on, try it. Hark, hark, hark, hark, hark. HARK. Told you, it's fun).
So while I was sorting out all my pictures I came across a few real gems. Take for example the loverly picture as seen below. I look awesome. And stupid. But that's the point, it's from Halloween when I dressed up as Malibu Barbie. 'OMG, like, I totally like saying things in a Valley voice and like, I love pink and like, I'm in love with Ken my lover. Oooh ahhh. Funny story, once I was dying my hair peroxide blond (oh please, you didn't think that this was my real hair colour now did you?) and then I killed all my brain cells - it was so worth it though because now I look all perty. He he.' I totally pulled it off.
Argh, you're right, I'm just jealous. Fuck it, I want to be Barbie. I don't care about having brain cells, I just want to be content with my peroxide hair and my love for pink. Why does the doll get to have all the fun?! Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?
Ok, if you guessed that I'm writing this really early in the morning, hey, you're right! That's why the above two paragraphs really make no sense. I'm getting kind of loopy since it's almost four. I have to get up in two hours. Why do I do this to myself?!
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